February 2004 Archives

idiots on parade

anotehr installment of stuff i get forwarded from.

Number One Idiot of 2003

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in
toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in
very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly
reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need
to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end
of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some
ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better
bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

Number Two Idiots of 2003

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield
decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful
in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for
a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming
towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the
emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They
are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.

Number Three Idiot of 2003

A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a
downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a
stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting
to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen
him write the note and might call the police before he reached the
teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street
to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note
to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling
errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that
she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank
of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a
Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.

Number four Idiot of 2003

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed
trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He
later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained
another picture, this time of handcuffs.
He immediately mailed in his $40.

Another sign (though this guy might be onto something worth thinking about!)

Number Five Idiot of 2003

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and
demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the
cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind
the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as
well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are
over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it
to him because he didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of
his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed
that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The
robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly
called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he
got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign!

Idiot Number Six of 2003

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
the startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured it out himself.

Idiot Number Seven of 2003

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store
window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and
heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and
hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It ! seems
the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was
caught on videotape.

Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign.

Idiot Number Eight of 2003

Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a
man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M.,
flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he
said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the
man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.
The man, frustrated, walked away.

Sign please.

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