Recently in personal Category

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than
satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy phucks.

11. People in the 70s couldn't phuck unless there was a wild guitar
solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take
his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the
girl isn't disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don't exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the
bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of chit out of
you if you shove your clock in his girlfriend's mouth.

19. There's a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a
woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

21. Nurses suck patient's diks.

22. Men always pull out.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best
friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before ****ing the
both of you.

24. Women never have headaches... or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man's dik, it's important for him
to remind her to "suck it".

26. azzholes are clean.

27. A man ejaculating in a woman's butt is a satisfying result for
all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a
man's trousers and find a clock there.

29. Men don't have to beg.

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one
hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than
satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy phucks.

11. People in the 70s couldn't phuck unless there was a wild guitar
solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take
his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the
girl isn't disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don't exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the
bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of chit out of
you if you shove your clock in his girlfriend's mouth.

19. There's a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a
woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

21. Nurses suck patient's diks.

22. Men always pull out.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best
friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before ****ing the
both of you.

24. Women never have headaches... or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man's dik, it's important for him
to remind her to "suck it".

26. azzholes are clean.

27. A man ejaculating in a woman's butt is a satisfying result for
all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a
man's trousers and find a clock there.

29. Men don't have to beg.

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one
hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

Well greetings public blog! It's been a while since I last used you. Mostly because I fell out of the blogging habit a while ago. I should try to use you more often, but I wouldn't count on it. New layout soon-ish, but I have been saying new layout coming up for a while now.
In the meantime, entertain yourselves with these links:
http://www.failratio.net/adam - up to 31 now.
http://www.failratio.net/mixtape - no.4 is the latest.

I see these applications for being someone’s girlfriend. All of them are targeted to normal people. I have written one that is designed for the engineering male seeking a female. If you can answer these questions you are my kinda gal.

Girlfriend application

What is your name?
____________________________

1. What is your age?
a) eighteen or under
b) 494 to 520 fourthnights
c) 1040 to 1092 days
d) 183960 hours or higher

2. Height?
a) 1524 or lower
b) 1524 to 1676 mm
c) 1676 to 1829 mm
d) 1829 mm or higher

3. How accurate is that you height measurement?
a) +- 25.4 mm
b) +- 12.7 mm
c) +- 3.175 mm
d) +-.005 mm I used a micrometer.

4. Hair color?
a) Blond
b) Black
c) RGB=..5C4033
d) I can’t say exactly my colorimeter is in the shop.

5. Eye Color?
a) brown
b) green
c) blue
d) Like I said my colorimeter is in the shop.

6. What is the highest math class you have completed?
a) vector calculus
b) linear algebra
c) complex analysis
d) topology
e) I finish all the math class my college offers so I’m taking them twice.

7. What calculator do you own?
a) Ti-83
b) Ti-86
c) Ti-84+ SE
d) Ti 89 titanium
e) Ti 89 titanium but mine’s overclocked

8. How many functions of your calculator do you know how to use?
a) 50%
b) 80%
c) 90%
d) 100% and I’m bothered that it can’t calculate the gamma of a number.

9. How many functions does your watch have?
a) 2
b) 5
c) 9
d) 37 and growing

10. How long have you had the internet?
a) 6 months now
b) A year or so
c) 5 years
d) Prenatally
e) Preconception

11. How many hours do you spend on the internet per day?
a) 1
b) 2
c) 4
d) 8
e) 16

12. What is the best search engine?
a) Google

13. If someone showed you the number 65,536 what would think?
a) It has two fives and two sixes.
b) It prime factorization is 2^16
c) It the largest number that can be stored in a dword variable.

14. How what is the flow rate when you drink beer?
a) .01253 cubic feet a minute
b) .02507 cubic feet a minute
c) .05013 cubic feet a minute
d) You already knew that 1 beer/min is .012553 ft^3/min so this question was easy.

15. What time do you go to bed?
a) Midnight
b) 1:00
c) 2:00
d) 3:00
e) I don’t sleep

16. What do you eat usually for breakfast?
a) cereal
b) pop-tarts
c) I don’t know I sometimes forget to eat breakfast
d) I pull all nighters so for me just a really really late dinner.

17. What is the hardest class you have taken?
a) complex analysis
b) English
c) Literature
d) Art history

18. Have you used any of the following words in normal conversation (check all that apply)
a) Convergent
b) Paradoxically
c) Involute
d) Quantumatively

19. Have you very called a certain shape parabolic or elliptical?
a) no
b) yes
c) yes and I have called things hyperbolic too.

20. How what languages do you know?
a) English
b) Mathish
c) Basic
d) C++
e) C
f) Z80 assembly
g) All of the above except the first.

21. What is your non-technical vocabulary?
a) 20,000 words
b) 10,000 words
c) 1,000 words
d) 0 words, I never go out of character

22. When describing an car accident to police officer have you ever said “Well you see the union of the set of all points in a car A and the set of all points in car B resulted in non-null set.”
a) No
b) Yes
c) Yes and I was serious.

23. Do you know any of the following things about your computer: clock speed, FSB speed, hard drive latency, CDR write speed, AGP speed or the numbers of CPU pins?
a) One or two
b) Two to three
c) All of them
d) All of them plus I have a program to monitor them

24. How quick can you fix a blinking 12:00 on a VCR?
a) 5 minutes if I have the instruction manual
b) 5 minutes without the manual
c) 2 minutes because you have already committed all your manuals to memory
d) 30 sections because you have so much practice from fixing other people VCRs.

25. I you can in to a room I had the TV in a thousand pieces would you say?
a) “What are you doing you broke the TV”
b) “You better put that back together again”
c) “Wow the insides of a TV are interesting”
d) “Don’t bother I’ve already took it apart”

26. How quick can you find that this is a sex joke? Integral(2xdx,10,13)
a) 10 seconds with a piece of paper
b) 10 seconds without a piece of paper
c) 5 seconds
d) 2 seconds
e) 0 seconds I already know that joke and have used it before.

27. How much would you mind if I go to bed with my clothes for the next day on.
a) That’s just weird
b) Ok but only if you don’t have any pajamas
c) Its an simple optimization of a process, why shouldn’t you

28. How much would you mind if I wrote you a love note and it contained set notation?
a) I would prefer you used just regular English words.
b) I would be indifferent
c) {(me, you) | me<3you} is so cute!!

29. Would you mind if in the middle of making out I said “Ah that’s why my design didn’t work. I forgot to take into account the thermal expansion along the tran-axial thrust bearing”
a) Yes we were in the middle of making out
b) No you are a engineer and you have to do your job
c) No and I would get your reference book and look up the thermal expansion coefficient for you.

30. How would you rate yourself on the hotness scale?
a) 5
b) 6
c) 7
d) 8
e) 9
f) Do you want that in binary or in hexadecimal

this is me updating for the sake of updating.

an interesting read
-------------------

A corporate attorney sent the following out to the employees in his company.

1. The next time you order checks have only your initials (instead of first name) and last name put on them. If someone takes your checkbook, they will not know if you sign your checks with just your initials or your first name, but your bank will know how you sign your checks.

2. Do not sign the back of your credit cards. Instead, put "PHOTO ID REQUIRED".

3. When you are writing checks to pay on your credit card accounts, DO NOT put the complete account number on the "For" line. Instead, just put the last four numbers. The credit card company knows the rest of the number, and anyone who might be handling your check as it passes through all the check processing channels won't have access to it.

4. Put your work phone number on your checks instead of your home phone. If you have a PO Box, use that instead of your home address. If you do not have a PO Box, use your work address. Never have your social security number printed on your checks. You can add it if it is necessary. But if you have it printed, anyone can get it.

5. Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine. Do both sides of each license, credit card, etc. You will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel. Keep the photocopy in a safe place. I also carry a photocopy of my passport when I travel either here or abroad. We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's committed on us in stealing a name, address, Social Security number, credit cards.

Unfortunately, I, an attorney, have firsthand knowledge because my wallet was stolen last month. Within a week, the thieve(s) ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway computer, received a PIN number from DMV to change my driving record information online, and more. But here's some critical information to limit the damage in case this happens to you or someone you know:

1. We have been told we should cancel our credit cards immediately. But the key is having the toll free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know whom to call. Keep those where you can find them.

2. File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where your credit cards, etc., were stolen. This proves to credit providers you were diligent, and this is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one).

But here's what is perhaps most important of all:

3. Call the 3 national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and Social Security number. I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me an application for credit was made over the Internet in my name. The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen, and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit.

By the time I was advised to do this, almost two weeks after the theft, all the damage had been done. There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves' purchases, none of which I knew about before placing the alert. Since then, no additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw my wallet away. This weekend (someone turned it in). It seems to have stopped them dead in their tracks.

Now, here are the numbers you always need to contact about your wallet, etc., when it has been stolen:
1.) Equifax: 1-800-525-6285
2.) Experian (formerly TRW): 1-888-397-3742
3.) Trans Union: 1-800-680-7289
4.) Social Security Administration (fraud line): 1-800-269-0271

We pass along jokes on the Internet; we pass along just about everything. But if you are willing to pass this information along, it could really help someone that you care about.

11. (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail? R
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail? R
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail? F
Relationship failed.
10. Now that Half Life 2 is out, I need to refocus my priorities.
9. You have been unsubscribed from my dating list. Please click this link to confirm.
8. I need a lover who understands that 20 hours a day on the Internet is normal.
7. I don't think we should date any more, but we can still be on each other's buddy lists.
6. I'd like a true beauty so I don't have to spend so much time photoshopping your ugly face out of our photos.
5. It's like in X-Men number 135, where Cyclops and Jean Grey (as The Phoenix)...
4. Let's face it. You love Intel, and I'm an AMD man. It's not going to work out.
3. What do you mean your EULA says that once I've removed the shrink wrap I can't return it?
2. After you e-mailed me your full-body shot, I realized I was looking
for someone more feminine
1. So long and thanks for all the fish.

I gots it from here: http://www.bbspot.com/News/2005/01/top_11_geek_break_up_lines.html

"17 reasons not to slit your wrists"
by Michael Moore
(AlterNet, 11/9/04)

Dear Friends,

OK, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let's, in the words of Monty Python, "always look on the bright side of life!" There is some good news from Tuesday's election.

Hold your horses, updates coming soon. In fact, there is a new plant coming up (it may even be up now). The results of /mixtape will be posted, as well as an update on other projects and other jibber jabber. Until then, hold your horses.

i'm in milwaukee now. woo.

Wow, last time I wrote in here was waayyy back in April. Oh my. FORGIVE ME FAILRATIO.NET FOR I HAVE IGNORED YOUU!!!
Anyways I'll go through a quick recap of what has happened since I laste wrote in here. (I keep telling myself that I'll write in this at least once a week, but I usually forget.) The obvious part would be: it's summer and school is out! I did better in school that I had anticipated. Waaaay better since during school, I felt like was slacking supremely. Here is the final verdict:
Computer Applications for Engineers 2 - AB
Calculus IV - CD
Modeling and Simulation of Dynamic Systems - B
Strenghts of Materials - A
Modern Physics - B
And since they're all weighted differently, I managed to get *gasp* on the Honor Roll! Hurrah for that. Next year should prove to be fun; I'm pretty much taking all engineering classes, although I do miss non-engineering classes. Kinda sad though that pretty much each time I find a teacher whose teaching style I like, they retire.
Moving on. I somehow managed to get a job this summer. It'd be the first time in a while where I earn money legitimately. I work at a liqour store, which I guess you can consider to be kinda bad. 21 years old, with money, surrounded by discount liqour; yeah, really bad. This money will be utilized on utility costs for my apartment. My nonexistent apartment that I really should find because time is running out.
That's about it for now. More to come later.

-meinard

taken from someone else

Student was searching for divine inspiration. Student walked high on the mountain of knowledge and came across God. Student asked God how to live life as a college kid should. And God said unto him, follow these Ten Commandments and you shall be all a college kid is. And Student thanked God and it was good. And Student spread the Ten Commandments of College to all.
I- Thou Shalt Nap
And God gave unto Student a great gift, the gift of napping. God said to him, You shall spend half your day napping. You shall nap in class, in your room and in your friend's room. And God said, if you don't nap, you will not be able to stay up all night drinking. And Student said, Nap I shall, and it was good.
II- Thou Shalt Get Sick All the Time
Now God said to Student, you must be sick all of the time. And student said why. And God said unto him, you shall share drinks, stay up too late, drink too much and make out with people you don't know. Therefore, God said, you shall be sick all year round. But God said, blessed are the sick for they have partied the hardest. And it was good.
III- Thou Shalt Write Witty Away Messages
Student asked, but God, how will I show everyone that I am funny? And God said unto him, thou shall write witty away messages. God said to student, you shall never just say you are in the shower, you shall say you are getting wet and wild...in the shower. You shall never say you are at class, you shall say you are sleeping...in class. God said, if you do not write witty away messages, I shall smite you. Blessed are the funny, for they will get many girls to be their friends but never hook up with them. And it was good.
IV- Thou Shalt Wear a Hoodie
And then Student asked God, God how do I look like a college kid. And God said unto student, you must wear a hoodie, for it is a useful garment. And you shall never wash it either. Student asked God what kind of Hoodie should it be and God said, you shall own one with your school's logo on it and you shall own many others of varying colors and creeds. And Student was pleased and God was pleased.
V- Thou Shalt Shit a Lot
And Student asked of his bathroom habit and God told him, Student, you shall eat in the Cafeteria and you shall shit a lot. And it will not be good shit, it will be the shit of the devil for your ass shall burn for hours. Your school shall put laxatives in their food and you shall feel their pain. And Student began to weep, and God said unto him, Student, fear not the shit, for all your fellow students will be experiencing the same. And Student dried his eyes and thanked God and God told him to use wet naps to ease the pain.
VI- Thou Shalt Eat EasyMac
Student asked unto God if there was any alternative to the cafeteria, and God said to him, you shall eat a lot of EasyMac. It is easy to make and you don't need milk or a stove. And student said microwaves were forbidden by the RA. And God said to him, you shall hide the microwave under your bed with a towel on top. And Student asked, what if it is discovered. And God told him to stop being such a pussy, and it was good.
VII- Thou Shalt Hook Up
Student then asked of sex. And God said, Student, you shall hook up and be happy. You shall go home with random people every weekend and forget about them the next day. You shall see them at class and be awkward amongst their company. You shall exchange saliva at bars and parties and it will be good. And Student became gleeful and God told Student to wrap it up because He knows where she has been, but Student does not.
VIII- Thou Shalt Join a Club and Never Go to Meetings
Student inquired of his spare time and God reminded him that he should be napping. But Student said he wanted to do other things. So God said unto him, you shall join a club at the beginning of the semester, but then never go to meetings. And Student asked why he should not go to meetings, and God told him, because the glee club is gay. And Student understood His wisdom.
IX- Thou Shalt Wake Up Confused
God said to Student, there will come many a day when you shall wake up in the bed of another and not know where you are. You will not remember what you did last night and you shall be confused. You will see that you have nipple rings and a tattoo now and are covered in Sharpie. And Student was disturbed by this, but God said, you shall tell great stories about it to your friends someday. And Student understood and God took a sip of a beer.
And God gave Student the final Commandment
X- Thou Shalt Gain Weight
And Student wished to hear the final commandment and God said he would not like it. But Student insisted, so God said unto him, you shall gain weight. However, God said, you will not buy new clothes, so you will wear sweat pants a lot. God said, Student, you will watch a lot of TV and become fat to which Student wept profusely. But God comforted Student saying, you will still get ass even if you cannot tie your shoes anymore. Student felt better and God pointed to Student's chest saying, those will soon be bitch tits. And it was good.
This is the word of God, follow the Ten Commandments of College or you will be smote!

so two muffins were sitting in an oven
one muffin turns to the other muffin and says "man, its kinda hot in here"
and the other muffin turns and says
holy shit, a talking muffin!

erm. yeah.

Alright, so it was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day when you died. The Angel at the gate said to the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died." "No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 10th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife half naked. I knew she was fucking some bitch, I glanced out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This pissed me off even more. I wanted to kill the fucker! So I unplugged my refrigerator, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 10 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly." The Angel considers this, and let's him in cuz it WAS a bad day....The next dude comes up, and is asked the same question. So the dude replies, "But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 11th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I was really pushing hard, and I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, started cussing, and stomps on my fingers. I fell and fucking hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground in shock and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the 10 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly." So the Angel chuckles, thinks his job is pretty cool, and let's this dude in...the third dude comes up, and again the Angel asks him the same question about how he died. So the dude goes, 'Okay, picture this, I'm hiding in this refrigerator right..."

i might be starting a beer/liqour review section, but we hav eto see if im sober enough to remember to do it.

well.. so much for updating. in the past *month* or so, ive finished with my classes for the quarter (b, bc, c, c for you that are curious). and i went on a little field trip to california. its the start of a new quarter, and hopefully more material for this dinky little site. so many ideas, so many projects started, so little of them getting done. anyways. just a heads up that everything is dandy and the likes.

anotehr installment of stuff i get forwarded from.

Number One Idiot of 2003

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in
toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in
very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly
reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need
to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end
of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some
ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better
bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

Number Two Idiots of 2003

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield
decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful
in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for
a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming
towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the
emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They
are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.

Number Three Idiot of 2003

A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a
downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a
stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting
to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen
him write the note and might call the police before he reached the
teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street
to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note
to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling
errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that
she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank
of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a
Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.

Number four Idiot of 2003

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed
trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He
later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained
another picture, this time of handcuffs.
He immediately mailed in his $40.

Another sign (though this guy might be onto something worth thinking about!)

Number Five Idiot of 2003

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and
demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the
cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind
the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as
well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are
over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it
to him because he didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of
his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed
that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The
robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly
called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he
got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign!

Idiot Number Six of 2003

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
the startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured it out himself.

Idiot Number Seven of 2003

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store
window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and
heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and
hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It ! seems
the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was
caught on videotape.

Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign.

Idiot Number Eight of 2003

Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a
man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M.,
flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he
said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the
man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.
The man, frustrated, walked away.

Sign please.

On my way to Class

its snowing hard (though you cant tell)

what outside looked like right after class

more of what outside looked like

the sidewalk getting plowed

this is what i woke up to this morning. (actually, it couldve been a bit colder since i looked at the weather after my first class). -4F with 30mph winds. i swear my nose was going to fall off. shouldve ditched class. :|

crappy. yet entertaining.

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!

im going to go stability test my rig at 2200mhz. a mild overclock (at least in my opinion it is) im only 34mhz above stock fsb and i turned down the multiplier to 11 (hence 2200, 11x200). it was either run the fsb at memory speed (400mhz) or run the memory at fsb speed (333mhz). i think ill choose this way for now. i played a game at this setting, buti was having connection problems, i thought it was the overclocking, but when i turned it back to stock it was still there. i mean, which is more likely? an overclocking board gone bad on a mild overclock or my school's network being crappy? my money is on the school network being crappy.

'midterms' are up. not really midterms cause there are 2 to 3 major exams in a quarter. i just spent 2 or so hours on a homework that isnt due till the 20th because i thought it was due tomorrow. all the while ignoring the linear networkign exam i have tomorrow. im such a good planner, eh?

that is it for now. happy new year.

-meinard

http://www.failratio.net/nimh/20040103/

first post of the new year. go see my rats! yes. you know you want to.

George W. Bush
The White House, USA

LAW ENFORCEMENT:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in
1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol.

I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's
license suspended for 30 days.

My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is
notavailable.

<Gadget> As I lay me down to sleep,
<Gadget> I pray for a woman, who's very cheap.
<Gadget> One who's sexy, blonde and long.
<Gadget> Who notices that she's mostly wrong.
<Gadget> One who sucks And doesn't speak.
<Gadget> And promises to do so, once a week.
<Gadget> I pray that she is very randy,
<Gadget> Cause one like that would come in handy.
<Gadget> Opens her leg and lies on the floor,
<Gadget> And once I'm done, she begs for more.
<Gadget> Oh! Send me a woman who will not play with my mind.
<Gadget> Who knows what she wants and that's lots from behind!
<Gadget> One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin'
<Gadget> And brings ME a beer, when she comes from the kitchen!
<Gadget> I pray that she'll last right up to the end,
<Gadget> And would never complain when I do her best friend.
<Gadget> Thanks in advance and you know I can't wait,
<Gadget> So I'll screw all the rest 'cause it's never too late.

so i renewed the contract for my site. on more year of nothingness and me saying "ill update, i promise!" over and over and over and over again. one quarter of the current school year is done. 2 more to go. i didnt do that bad, but it was not what i wanted (when do we get what we want anyways?) and i got a 2.77 gpa. no more letters threatening to kick me out of school, no more visits to the school counselor; all is monotonously well. this quarter is starting to get on my nerves though. most likely is the fact that i have to wake up before 8am for most of the week doesnt help; and the fact that i have 3 classes in a row doesnt help either. good things that goes on though is that i get done with classes earlier. Noon for monday, 2pm for any other day. all that free time would generate more sloth. its just the first week, but i havent really done much work lately. maybe an assignment here and there, a lab in between; pretty much doing everythign that needs to be turned in. the kicker is though, im not doing much of the 'busy work' that i am supposed to be doing, which is not good, because these are the things that are going to matter the most.

anyways. ill try to make it a habit of updating here once in a while. at least once a week or so.

wow.. week 5 already. 6 more weeks and i get a meager week off from school. sadly i can not go out of state since it is my mom's birthday during that time. so the money i have saved will either stay saved, or squandered off to something utterly useless (like parts or liqour). ive upated plant. i still have several episodes to draw, and i started another comic; im thinking of starting another one.. but on the subject on my dedication to these projects. tahts a different issue.

so in short. i am passing all my classes, but not really getting the grades i want. i need to try harder (hooray for stress). i have 2 more months till i renew the site, which i WILL DO. i like my site, no matter how much i seem to ignore it.

oh yeah. i got a new cam, not as nice as my old logitech one. that one had digital quality pictures, this is just a webcam webcam.. keep watching the little image. you might catch me live.

and oh yeah. still workign on new layout. but for, this will have to suffice.

lator tators
-meinard

im alive. im here, dont nobody worry. just getting my bearings in school for now. til then, no updates for here. well.. maybe some. but itll be sparse. need to go get a new webcam. any suggestions?

its been a while since ive updated in here. so here goes. this summer has been somewhat memorable. but it will be memorable in the way that it has been like every other summer ive had. the roles are the same, just the people who play them is the only thing different. i move in back to school tomorrow (well, at least my stuff is.) hope i dont crap out this year like ive done in years past. at the beginning of the summer, i thought i was going to have a single room, but alas, my school hates me (thus i hate them). so i have a roomate. ive tried to contact him, but i couldnt reach him. he has made no attempts to contact me neither. sooo.. i predict it will be a crappy relationship. (ive got the hiccups and theyre quite annoying). so i havent really done any work on the site as i had promised. (i guess you cant count on me for keeping promises.) heres to another school year filled with crap and more crap. perhaps the only shining star would be that this year i will turn 21. hooray for being a lush.

that is all

-meinard

woo.. 2 more months till i am back in milwaukee. boring summer so far. still unemployed. dan goes to cali on the 20th, but jon gets here on thursday. shenanigans i tell you. itll be badass.

at least ill still have kerri and theresa to hang out with? well.. till kerri goes back to macomb in august, and theresa goes to chambana in august too.

i shoudl write a song abotu that. ill call it lone decem... august. yep

speaking of which. i miss my counting crows cd.

1500 and 200. and now 15, i sure do write a lot. but im not gonna tell you where i write them.

this has been shaping up to be quite the unemployed summer. i need money to do stuff. to fix stuff. to go places.

maybe i should set up a paypal donate account :D. be a bonafide camwhore of sorts (oh crap.. i forgot, my cam is still BROKEN)

the more reason to set up a paypal i suppose?

perhaps i should work on the site more. to pass the time. start up 2 comics. keep on working on adam (still need a new name). and draw more plant.

but then again im lazy

we'll see how things go

and this is why i think its not gonna work out :(

not really a real entry, but to satisfy any ongoing curiousity. here are pictures of my new computer:

OS: Windows XP Professional, Service Pack 1 (5.1 - 2600) | Connection: Dialup | CPU: 1-AMD , 2079MHz, 256KB (14% Load) | RAM 273/512MB (53.32%) | Graphics Card: NVIDIA GeForce4 Ti 4200 with AGP8X | Resolution: 1152x864 32bit 75Hz

be jealous. be very jealous

so far i have most of the important programs installed. the gfx card is awesome. kinda makes me sad that the only game uses it is HalfLife. i want to buy vice cityyyyy.. anyone have 50$ they can give me? :D. i just have to say that i can never go back on the dell. this computer has spoiled me within 2 days. so far its running "stable" havent had a restart in a day. ill see if it can make it to a week. a few games still crash in it, i think it depends on what mode i run it on. maybe i need to update the drivers. its all on diablup though so im hesitant. i need to go find a job soon. ill start looking on tuesday.hopefully its one taht gives a lot of hours, a lot of pay and not that difficult. cause you know, im lazy. i need new people to hang out with, or hang out with epoeple i dont usualyl hang out. time to expand my horizons and shit. that or just hot girls. (by my definition of hot). intelligence is sexy.

anyways, this was looking so lonely so i decided to update it. once i get the comptuer all settled in and if im lazy enough i will go update the site. fun stuff.

--meinard

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

computer is built, but not running. i have bad memory, ill have to wait till new memory comes in and i'll try again. hooray for warranty :D.

school work school work.. >:|

how do you go about asking people out and doing athat bf/gf thing? is like like, "hey you, you my ho now" or "hey wanna go out?", after that. how do you establish the territory? >:|

i like using >:|

>:|>:|>:|>:|>:|

so.. long time no see? my camera seems to be broken. im pretty sure its broken. its all grainy and dark and not what it used to be. i dont know what happened to it. it just pisses me off though. i spent 40$ for this camera in december and now its april and its broken? (i suppose this is so, i bought it refurbished) funny thing is, my older crappier camera probably still works, and i got that one for 20$ ill fix it somehow.

i need to start looking for a summer job soon. first place i thought of was ups, but i dont think that they are hiring. ill have this weekend to go and try to look for one (i forgot to mention that i am going home this weekend). i guess ill just have to see what kind of jobs are open. also.. it is still early. i get out of school the 24thish. so ill have to look for one then. itd be nice if when i came home i had a job to look forward to.

im building a new computer. so far ive bought the motherboard, the case and the powersupply. (for you technogeeks out there to care for what my new computer's specs will be: motherboard - abit nf7s; memory - kingston pc-3200 512mb; video card - albatron nvidia ti4200 128mb 8x agp; power supply - enermax 365w fca; and the processor: amd athlon xp 2500+ barton, a formidable system indeed) this is what my case looks like: [ http://images2.newegg.com/productimage/11-156-018-01.JPG ] not too shabby for a 40$ case. itll be fun building it. my dad bought himself a 100 gig hard drive so ill be taking the original 40 gig one. 100 gigs total for me!. the big problem will be transferring what i have on this computer to that computer. apparently xp isnt hot swappable. bleh. ill figure something out. i could always call microsoft and tell them i upgraded, theyd give me the new key, but its just a big hassle. anyways.

only one of you "readers" replied :(. and that person is "mandy". her ip doesnt match anyone i know so that means tis a real deal. no prank. so hi mandy! how are you today?

this is all for now.
-m-e-i n-a-r... D!!

do you know which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

no?

go ask your parents

[bows]

the title says it all.. cookies are the best. my favorite is white chocolate macadamia... mmm.. and oatmeal raisin has its high points too. chocolate chip is just too.. blah for me. and you should listen to me cause i worked a mrs. fields before. yes ladies and gentlemen, i worked at a cookie store. we had cookies the size of cds for a dollar forty. and over the summer we sold a big ass cookie, i forget what it was called, i think tokabunga or somehitng. it was huge. and brownies.. mmm.. brownies. after working at that place, i couldnt eat anymore cookies. mostly because i took got to take home some. and ate them. but that was almost 4 years ago. i think its time to go back to my love affair with the cookie.

damnit.. i forgot to buy some milk

went to the takingbacksunday/autumntoashes/recover/chemicalromance show tonight. very good show, didnt like autumn to ashes much though. i saw melissa binder there! i havent seen her since this summer at the warped tour. she came with her friend gina and boyd from the metro. it was cool. the venue was scary though, just structually uncomfortable. dunno. maybe its just the engineer talking in me? later kiddies, i have anew idea for a layout, meaning v8 is scrapped (or is it?). ill probably use it for ode. but yeah, danielle gave me an idea. i promise ill work on the site more. maybe a little motivation through comments would do? eh? eh?

note to self: learn how to make own layouts in moveable type. this layout is just temporary! i swear!

another note to self: work on site more

also.. to people who read this. leave acomment damnit! so i know whats the traffic im getting. i broke into the 100's this month in bandwidth, the sad thing is.. its mostly from hotlinking. boo to that. i have 5 gigs of bandwidth to use. give ideas! (no porn or mirroring)

you know what would make a good prank? selling your soul to the devil. then later on the devil would get mad cause you didnt give him your soul, it as just a piece of ham, then you two will share a good laugh and watch some pornography. mmm mm.. nothign like pornography

wooohoo.. its the weekend, finally (but meinard, its only thursday. YOU MORON) the weekend starts on thursday for mee. so you know what that means? i's going home. no more craptacular school food (although i admit, tonight is steak and shrimp night, one of the better nights) but i guess that holds no ground against home cookin. so in conclusion, the banana tree isnt technically a tree, but more like a symbol of the aleutian people, and something else to do with ice.

that is all

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well
dressed middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her dog.
The weary American traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog.
I need that seat."
The French woman looked down her nose at the American, sniffed and said,
You Americans. Your are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my
little FiFi is using that seat?"
The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after
another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the
woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there?". I'm
very tired."
The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! Not only
are you rude, you are also arrogant....Imagine!"
The American didn't say anything else, he leaned over, picked up the dog,
tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The
woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her honor and
chastise the American.
An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly "You know,
sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.
You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the
wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out
the window."